despair

So I'm not really in despair but it feels like it sometimes. I am taking Chemistry and it's been one of the only classes that I haven't been able to understand at all. I study and do my homework for it and try to understand the concepts but it's so hard! In our group studies everything makes sense but in the testing center it just doesn't connect. So it might just have to be a class that gets taken again later in my career as a perpetual student. hahah. I'm serious... In other news, I am kinda dating this guy.(no dtr's or anything) His name is Stetson Carroll. It's really nice but he's so different from any other guy that I've "dated" that it's like I'm 16 again and dating for the first time. He's really nice and totally just chill all the time. He doesn't like to fight with me about anything and his temper is almost non-existent (except when it comes to his professor in his EMT classes). It's just strange almost cause he's so different in every way than any guy. And he just texted me :) haha He's very confident in himself and is who he is all the time and doesn't care what others opinions are of him. He's from Spring Creek, Nevada and thinks I'm a city girl cause I'm from a town near Atlanta! hahahaha. yeah right. My small town is just a little bigger than his. His only downfall is that he hates trees and loves wide open spaces.... How can you not like trees? I'll never understand.

Small and Simple Things

So, it's been a while. I have been working as a lifeguard at a neighborhood pool in a town close to mine and the season is almost over. Today actually is my last day of being there all week long. I'm excited about a little bit of a break but at the same time I'm not so excited to be home with nothing to do until September... I was thinking about getting another job but where would someone hire me for just a month and some change? There are a few offers for being a nanny of a couple kids from the neighborhood I worked and there are a few offers for swim lessons so yeah but that's not really any sort of respectable income. I really am starting to see how hard life would be without an education and no chance of getting a job that is sustaining. There really isn't anything in this world, that is of worth, that you can get without putting forth an effort and giving it your all. Lifeguarding may not seem like a very difficult job but there are many things that are done and purposefully so no one can tell. It's a very all-encompassing job. With all the work that comes with it, there have been some very amazingly peaceful times. There was a few times when there was huge storms that come through and at night the pool lights come on and the water just seems to dance with the sparkles of raindrops. Other nights there would be no one for an hour or so and the water was perfectly still and a calm would come over me. I'd go lay next to the pool and just stare at the stars and everything was beautiful. I think those nights were some of the greatest blessings I've been giving. Such small and simple things create such a wonder. :)

So this summer I went home and I'm not sure how I feel about it... I mean yeah I'm glad that I get to be with my family and all but ehh I don't know. I think I just miss being around so many people that are my age and are going through the same things I am.

ANYWAY My nephew takes up most of my time and I love it. haha He's so funny and so cute. WAAAAY too smart for his own good. He gets into everything and anything. My sister bought him a fish yesterday and I guess he didn't realize that fish require water. This morning Brock comes into my parents room with the fish in his hand totally excited to show Grandma and Grandpa his new pet fish. I think he was sad that we don't have our chickens anymore so he wanted a new pet.SO cute. :]

In the End

So the semester is closing so fast I can't hardly believe it. There are so many things that have happened and I can't even think of most of them. I've gone through trials and things that I am very grateful for. I think I've grown quite a bit over the past semester and I've been able to make some important desicions in my life. I am 21 so I'm eligible to go serve the Lord on a full time mission. I was really afraid for a while about going but now I know who I am and I'm gratful for this knowledge but I think with this knowledge comes the responisiblity of helping others come to this knowledge. I know that I'm not probably the most qualified person to do something like this but I think that I am going to go on my mission. There is nothing more important to the Lord than to have his people learn of his gospel and to come unto him. There are people that I need to talk to and let them know about this gift I have and let them share in the gift of the knowledge of the gospel and the truth. It might take me some time to get into gear with this but it is something that I think I need to do. The time is right and in the end I think this is what the Lord would have me do. :] Thanks for everyone's support and help in my journey to self discovery, you know who you are.

Heather-paloza!

Welcome to the Month of March!!
This month is the month that I was born and I'm going to be 21!! it's so weird to think that I'm going to be completely legal. I am legal now but I'm going to be more legal. haha. it's weird to think about things that happened when I was in Young Womens and how they would always ask what do you want to have happen in your life five years or ten years from now. I thought that I would be in college but I didn't think that my life would be this good. :] things aren't perfect but they are good. I feel like the things I've learned would have taken forever to learn and for me to be in the place that I am is so weird to think about in comparison to what I had planned out. I guess it's really not about what I plan but what the Lord has planned for me. Well anyway, Happy Birthday to all fellow March babies! :]

Coldplay

So I'm just chillin' in the Library and I was looking for something to listen to and this song came up called Shiver by my favorite band Coldplay. I almost cried cause it was something that I needed to listen to. There was a line that said, "the moment I wake to the moment I sleep I'll be by your side." And , "I'll always be by your side". I was just in a religion class and I think that I was in the mindset that I could apply this to the Lord and his love for us. :] I just find it interesting that pretty much everything in life is just a testament of the Lord's hand in our lives. So good job Coldplay on helping me find some more spiritual truths within something as temporal as lyrics to a song.

I Cut My Finger

So sometimes when I get angry I like to go overboard and over exaggerate my reaction just for fun and make it totally unreal. hahah It's quite funny and we all laugh about it and stuff AND it does a good job of getting rid of my anger without hurting anyone. Not so of last night... I don't go into details about why I was mad cause that's way too long. So I had this glass bottle and I wanted to throw it out the window so I did but on the side of the building where not a lot of people go ever. There were a few cars there and I was scared that I would hit one and I accidentally did just that... Bad throw for me. It hit the car on the trunk and it broke off the neck of the bottle. I went down there to see if there was any damage and LUCKILY there wasn't. So no longer freakin' out I got the bottom half of the bottle and chucked it at the wall nearby. It was also not a good throw cause when I threw it, it rolled off my hand like a ball would and the sharp edge caught my finger. hahah so I start to bleed and I didn't even feel anything till I looked down. My roommates and I rushed back to our apartment and washed it all out and after a half an hour it stopped bleeding. It was probably one of the stupidest things I've ever done but it was really funny. :]

So in order for the reason I was angry to find out what had happened I fibbed and said I cut it on a posted sign that was in the parking lot. So don't tell if you figured out what I'm talking about... haha what a fool I am.

The Love of a Sister

so yeah i didn't mean to post anything the other day when I wrote just the... my bad. I was going to write about what's going on but I didn't have the time I thought I did. Anyway, so I have learned a lot about myself lately and it all seems to be because situations that I'm not entirely involved in. It's just interesting to see how families relate to each other but are completely different. All of my family was raised in the church with the same values and same opportunities to live good lives but the results so far are very different. My sisters are the opposites in so many ways but are the same person at the core. They fight like none other and neither one really likes the other at all or agrees with what they are doing in their lives. My older sister isn't active and does very different things than what she was taught by the church, while my little sister is very strong in the church and has a positive attitude when it comes to everything in the church. They are both very social and very kind hearted when it comes to everyone but each other. haha. Sometimes I think that I'm the mediator between them and both of them at the same time. The things I have learned are that I am like my sisters in that I have been in both of their places. I have had problems with listening to the counsels of the church but I have also been very blessed in that I was able to see what I was doing wrong and changed. It's strange to think that there was a time when my sisters were friends and liked one another. Hopefully, if things work out alright, they will be friends again. I don't think that will happen for a long time though. Especially if Brock(the nephew) becomes my little brother. There are things that make me believe that there is possibility of that happening soon with the decisions that my sister is currently making. I only wish my sisters were more similar(in a good way) then there wouldn't be this problem. Then again Brock(the nephew) wouldn't be around. It's sad to think what could have been different but then again we can't ever tell what would have been. I was just called to be a leader over some women who I don't know but they are my sisters. I just hope that I don't have to use the phrase what would have been with this new experience. Hopefully there will be a time when I love these girls as I do my own sisters. I just want to talk to all of them and help them all and solve their problems and their problems to come. That is the one thing I wish for this new year, semester and view that I've obtained, that I will be able to do everything I can to make things good.